If God is with me…

 

Who can be against me??

 

:)

 

MISSED dinner with Via, HL and ANDREA!

Got played out.

Big time. By one of the people closest to me.

 

Thanks. You know who you are.

 

Bad investment. Recognize loss. Re-think the strategy. Make a slow recovery and get back in full-swing.

 

The human life is reflective of the business cycle. Ups and downs.

 

Do we get back up only to fall again?

Or do we fall so we can get back up?

I did it!

Yes yesterday 21/01/2011 is certainly a day to remembered for me. Right from when I was 4 years old I wanted to play the piano in church and yesterday I did it! It was not a main service, just a prayer meeting and I played through the solo bit without any mistakes Freestyle is awesome just chords and some pieces of Wang Lee Hom fillers! But God really granted me the peace before the meeting and I was ask to play for the sunday service! But think I need to practise more still…  YAY YAY YAY

To God be the glory

I guess sometimes, I spend so much time trying to prove myself. Especially the happenings of 2009 and 2010. But I forget the things I really loved like playing the piano. And I hope it would be an undying love especially when I use it to serve God. It makes learning it properly all the better. Maybe when Im free I’ll go conquer grade 8? But that’s just me talking, I can get through life without that cert.

 

Have you ever met someone you are just somehow attracted to? You can’t stop talking to the person and even if you do succeed in stopping yourself, its only a temporal measure. Hmm. Perhaps what makes the person an attraction is the very fact that you’ll never have him/her. You hanker. You want. You linger (HIMYM haha) The truth is, the person does not share the same sort of attraction and that is what makes falling in love so beautiful right. Both are attracted.

Okay back to company law. *BANGS HEAD*

 

I’ll make up for lost time one second at a time
I started long before you will even realize

When the hurt dissipates

I have gotten through the past few days feeling less lousy. Thanks to my neighbour who did everything he could to make me feel better. If you are reading.. YES YOU ARE AWESOME.

I hung out with him and his other friend at Timbre last friday. Life humors me- I lost a friend only to gain another with the exact same name. I really needed a drink. No Mindy, Im no alcoholic. We had a bottle of white wine and my neighbour was spamming me with drinks!! Argh come on the Jim Beam!?! Even though I declined eventually, I was still grateful for his invitation to butterfactory. Its nice to know there are people who still care and want to hang out with me. That aside, I have already resolved to avoid clubbing as much as possible. Especially with the intensity of serving in church, picking up the following weeks. Its not easy because I don’t deny it is fun, especially with the right people. Neighbour is definitely the right person HOR?

While school has started and certain things that should be forgotten are in the deletion process, I cannot go without saying how torn the whole episode has left me. All that has to be said has been said. It was devastating when I knew about how my friends hung out without me and even pit my best friend against me. It caused me to doubt whatever she tells me. Consequences in its best definition. I don’t know what to say except that, if it were to happen to anyone of them, I would have been more sensitive. “Wanting to have fun” at the expense of the feelings of someone else is just a negative example of being a friend.

Perhaps I am in the wrong. That is why people (a person actually) would ask me to “fix it for the sake of everyone”. Making me feel like the most terrible person on earth who caused all the problems and depriving everyone of the “fun” they can have. Correct me if I am wrong. Perhaps, I have too high expectations of friends – the expectation of them bearing some consideration to my feelings.

Oh well, what matters is not the people you have lost, but the people who have stuck by you. Everyone has their own rationale that govern their actions and thoughts. But that rationale is beyond me. For I have no such energy to view it from the various perspectives. In all this, I thank God for disallowing any moments loneliness. May it be a random text message or facebook wall post. It counts towards letting me know that I am not that terrible person that so and so thinks I am.

 

For youth is too precious to be wasted on unhappiness

Its time.

Time to let go.

 

I closed my eyes
clenched my fists
count to ten
and did just that.

 

Deliberation

So I found myself in a pit-hole. Confused from the recent happenings, blinded by the darkness (metaphorically) and cold from the weather (literally). It is what it is. I can’t change a person’s perception about me. And maybe I don’t deserve a second chance. Its funny how it hurt more than being blown off by some guy.

While I have already (as of yesterday), was left close to nothing, I fear nothing. Call me dramatic, but I would rather walk away from everything than put 5-6 people in a state of confusion built on strained relations. It was a breaking point last night, when I got so upset with my best friend and did something so mean and terrible I could possibly curse myself for my entire life. Thankfully she is forgiving and understanding enough (unlike some). That was the breaking point.

I knew I had to stop. People like him have no idea the type of consequences that permeates and resonate in the lives of others. While I should have done certain things differently, nothing can changed the distorted image he has of me. And my best friend is right. I have done nothing wrong. And I am unwilling to subject myself to this pathetic friendship where I am subjugated to his ego.

And then there are my poor friends siting on the fence. I guess the best way is to spare them the whole ordeal and I need to go. The worse thing anyone can do to their friends is to make them choose. I am glad that school have started and upon completion of this semester perhaps only a 3 week break before I leave for my summer studies.

I realized in the glitz and happiness of december, I forgot one very important thing. The love of God. He never promised an easy life. But I will continue to entrust everything to him because men can disappoint but God is never-failing. While I had ask during this few weeks, where is God? Why don’t he fix this mess? I know everything is in his hands and time will tell all. All.

While I still feel upset and hurt, life is not about feelings, it is about living. Sometimes I let my feelings overwhelm me and I become a slave to something so intangible and imaginary inside of me. That is stupidity in its purest. But its good. I am sure I would meet even more terrible people, or I could become one myself.

Time would heal all wounds I believe. And God has strengthened me so much within the last 12 hours. I survived a 3 hour seminar (fixed income) with just 2 hours of sleep. I feel reassured that everything would be okay, whether I lose a friend or repair the friendship in the end.

I guess in all things that happen- good or bad. The key is to keep my eyes on God and lose no focus.

 

 

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

 

Point for the year: Johnny Walker, keep walking.