A convicted human mind

I don’t know how some people go to bed at night.

After hearing what that guy did to my friend. I really cannot understand how such a person can cease to function. Well, to be fair, everyone has their flaws and what I think is a more heinous wrong than the other is purely subjective. But that should not discount what that person did. Then again, I was reminded by a friend to bear in mind that what I was told was his side of the story. Oh well….

And today was the first time in a very long while I brought up the past with someone. And you know what, it never felt more right. I guess sometimes pain is healed when you see through it. In fact, call it a hindsight bias, but the truth was he was never my type of guy. And that was perhaps why I was so unhappy. I compromised on my standards and was quick to sort of settle down. But you know what they say, better single than the wrong guy! How true is that, because I guess I’ve never been happier.

Finally settling the more major stuff, I’ll probably do up my visa apps in class and book my airticket and pay up the remainder of my sch fees (which is a freakin’ bomb). I think my dad don’t want to see the bill. Just swallow and pay hahahaha! But I thank God for awesome parents who are able to provide for this opportunity Definitely looking forward to it and I am going there to work hard (play slightly, but the larger part, for the purpose of education)

Disgusting fact: My siblings realized they’ve been sharing the same toothbrush. MEGA-EW. Fortunately only for about a week or so…. HAHA… Dental issues coming up.

Okay back to my books, need to put everything into my head! This semester has been great and I think its due mainly to my cell group <3 Never thought I would find such awesome friends in church.

No frills, just thrills

I found the right topic for my mandarin essay- the foundations of confucianism in Singapore’s political government. This also impacts our conduct of businesses (the typical Asia family businesses) and also education! Now I just have to slowly translate my thoughts. I stand at 250 words (1/10th done)

I took a look at my course outline (only 1 module) for the summer and it is killer. The readings for the 2nd day includes 5 chapters and a case study. Every lesson has a case study. But it covers alot of ground especially looking at policies in less talked about countries in our Singapore system – Brazil, Mexico and Europe. I guess there is not much finals but more of a paper to submit. Sounds so exciting and tiring. I am so glad I am only doing 1 module! After my friend looked at her course outline she was thinking of just doing 1. Haha. Looks like I can slice my travel expenses into half because I shall be the typical singaporean kid and mug my weekends away (and hopefully be the smart asian kid?… NAHHHH) But seriously, you would want to study hard after paying 4 digits for 1 module and not wanting to look dumb in front of the prof!

Japanese food won’t turn you into pikachu (but I think pikachu emits lightning bolts, not so much radioactivity)! Finally had jap food with my dear friend whose exchange got cancelled, been pining for japanese food for too long. I was trying to find a pair of nice crocs and she walked in and bought a pair of crocs wedges (super ex) and another pair for her daddy (so sweet!) The designs I wanted did not have my size or the colours I wanted I think their shoes are pretty hardy and they are so comfortable (despite toilet looking) but these days fashion can be like trash so I am just blending in!

It makes sense. People change all the time. And it was just like what M was talking to me about previously. Its hard to reconcile the differences between then and now especially in a person you have known for too long. I think some change is good especially when it makes your friend a happier person. But what happens if you are just blotted out of the whole picture? That is something I haven’t really dealt with. Perhaps on a smaller scale back in secondary school and I disagreed with how I managed it (typical emotional singaporean teenage girl). I guess sometimes its about taking a step back and withdrawing a bit. I won’t deny. I get clingy to a person who shares the same interests, likes, dislikes because of an emotional attachment that forms. But thats not the way I should operate on and I am changing it. Maybe this is the way things end, an ending spell a new beginning or it could be a good restart, which I hope for earnestly.

Well, there is truth in the saying that “it can’t get any worse than this”. I think my group did well for the company law project. I didn’t get to present the star question but it was still heavily a group effort. We only made a minor error each in both questions but our scope was large and we threw our net wide enough. Our presentation was 40 mins the grp after us… 20mins. No comments on that but they were really clear and concise and I can’t blame them because their question was much less complicated. Also, I thank God I did fairly well for CAT. Scoring above average I geniunely thought I was going to fail, but really, God led me through.

Some words are better left unsaid
Some things better left undone
Some wounds better left un-touched

I miss the times we had
The things we did
The fun we had

Perhaps its also an appreciation thing. Not seeing you wear the stuff I bought while you happily wear what other people have gotten you right away. I just feel like whatever I do pales in comparison. But everyone is entitled to their own freewill (as I always say, to each his own). Its like me going to the nail bar and deciding wine red isn’t my “it” colour. 

I am a sensitive and insecure bug to the humankind. And until I change, isolation. These days, I enjoy shopping on my own. It makes sense. Wait for no one, leave no one behind because there is no one. Life at its best. I change my mind, it can’t get any better… 

If you think my blog is emo. Kindly motion your mouse diagonally right of the page, where in located and carefully coloured in red, a box with a cross. And according to your common sense you should come to a realization that it is to close the page.

Get out. The meanie is back.

Issuing the shares of life

The world can be so cold.

But the light in my soul keep me warm through the coldest and darkest of days.

An conventional vendetta

Indecisiveness

I don’t know which airline to fly. I am torn between comfort and saving money. I am not too sure if I am going to cut through Japan despite the pricing of the air tickets falling quite substantially. God bless Japan. Its times like this I wish I was not studying accounting. I think I should have studied pharmacy or nursing even if I failed to become a doctor! Some nurses do go on to become doctors by the way…. At least I can do more than “account” for damages. But I guess everyone has a societal role to play…. blah blah blah blah

I would really love to fly qatar because according to their reviews its pretty comfortable! However, most of their cheaper flights have a very long layover (8-11 hours) at NIGHT. Which means I have to check into their hotel (USD100). If you are lucky you can get accomodation complimentary. But erm, can’t imagine sleeping in a hotel room in Doha international alone.

So Japan is pretty much out. Thailand is out. Its not that Thai airways its not good, but the flight from Thailand is just toooooo far……. My ass is going to open flower. The next most value for money would be of course Air China.  But I had a bad experience with China Eastern during my connecting flight in china. I kinda…. quarrelled with the guy doing my check in and he issued me a seat 2 rows behind my family. I can’t remember what I was upset about, but it was definitely legitimate. But whatever these people can do to you, Singaporeans are always cooperative. A fellow Singaporean travelling alone gladly swapped seats with me

SIA? The milege would spell my next holiday. YEAHHHHHH.

Okay that was written in the morning. Further research points to Emirates and Asiana Airlines… Why do Singaporeans keep insisting on SIA? I would think it is due to excessive cash…. My dad says if I pick a cheaper flight means I have more money to shop and play…. ENTICING!!

After spending close to 4 days finding my air ticket, it is time to get my head back to my books. Would probably call and book my air ticket tomorrow. At least the places to visit are more or less confirmed! I hope I get to walk/run around alot so I can burn fat YAYYYY!

Okay I have a mega presentation tomorrow. I was told to speak slowly. That’s great, finally a group presentation with a time allowance of 45 minutes.

Okay REALLY have to mug tomorrow. No more online stuff. Just tax planning tax planning tax planning….

Whats the difference between tax planning and tax evasion?

The former is legal, the latter could land you in jail

Wind through my broken wings

And who do you think you are
Running ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are

Well I don’t. But let me tell you who I think I am

Okay. I don’t think I am NPH. And No, I don’t think I am all that awesome. But I believe in everyone, however dumb, poor, ugly and fat (yes you can be fat and beautiful hence it is a separate category altogether) you think you are (most of the time its pointless thoughts, I get that all the time), you have a tinge of awesomeness.

You know why?

God made you. Now that’s awesome.

Death by conscience

Does one have to die just to feel alive?

Why do the undevoid of life beg for death but those at the edge yearn to live?

God where are you? I am the problem I can’t solve by myself.

The waltz of misaligned thoughts.

I have been extremely busy these few weeks- church, projects, mid-terms (which meant studying), and exchange planning. This week has been a breather but naturally led me to think (and re-think) on the need to take certain actions. I consulted a friend, who left me with no good advice to my disappointment, which led to me to view that it was an avoidance. It is easy to figure out this sort of thing, just take browse through FB and you can figure out why. But I shall prevent my fingers from typing out my possibly wrong conclusion. Somethings are just not to be fixed, but sometimes I ask God why do some people just get away with the things they’ve done. I guess at the same time it is not right to ask for some sort of vengence to relief myself of the hurt I have felt. And, for all I know everybody thinks I am in the wrong. (Yes I bet you are nodding in agreement) But I have insured myself from that by asking people whether I was geniunely wrong, so to all those who told me I am not in the wrong and nod in agreement with instigator of my pain, you are nothing more than a hypocrite. And would I like to know who you are? No thank you because I can’t be bothered.

I figured I’m the problem. I fly solo these days. Speaking of flying. I’ll be literally flying around in June-Aug. Literally.

Summer please come along soon, accompanied with the optimum conditions to maintain my solo flight.

But I guess without much human contact, somehow… You just yearn more of God. And I know what those athiest would say. I am merely delusional. Yup. But to each his own.